Bible: Contradictions and Absurdities

Recently I came across the book All that’s Wrong 

with the Bible: Contradictions, Absurdities, and 

More by Jonah David Conner. Conner was born into a protestant family and spent his youth studying the Bible and spreading the word of God. However, as he dwelled more into the finer points of the holy book, he realized that it contained several contradictions, absurdities, and ‘other problems'. The book is an attempt at elaborating them. In the course of time, he became an atheist.

Some interesting thoughts and quotes from the book:

Turning to God and becoming more devout as a 

result of a personal crisis is an emotionally driven transformation. Emotions fluctuate like the weather and when you overcome the crisis, you turn away from God only to return when faced with another crisis.

“The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.”  

-  Mark Twain

“Most of what discredits Christianity comes from within Christianity. You don’t have to go outside of religion to tear it apart.”  -  Dan Barker

Why do contradictions matter? They give concrete evidence that at least some parts of the Bible cannot be true. And if some parts are not true, then it cannot be of divine origin.

Contradictions are of two types:

Type A (simple negation) when a latter phrase negates a former. (E.g., John is short; John is not short.) and

Type B (incompatible concepts) when two phrases 

have incompatible concepts. (E.g., John is ugly; John is handsome.) 

I       Some types of contradictions:

Contradictions in names and numbers:

A: Who killed Goliath?

1 Sam.17:50     David killed Goliath of Gath (a Gittite)

2 Sam. 21:19    Elhanan killed Goliath the Gittite (Some versions have changed to the brother of Goliath)

B: Who was Joseph’s father?

Mt.1:16     Joseph’s father was Jacob

Lk.3:23     Joseph’s father was Heli

Contradictions of events and ideas:

A: Can someone see Yahweh’s face and live?

Gen.32:30         Jacob saw Yahweh “face to face.”

Ex.33:20   “No one can see Yahweh’s face and live.”

B: When did Satan enter Judas?

Lk.22:1-7 Satan entered Judas before the Passover meal.

Jn.13:27   Satan entered Judas specifically during the Passover meal, the instant when Judas took the bread.

Contradictions regarding life, death, and 

the resurrection of Jesus:

A: Did Jesus come to judge the world?

Jn.9:39     “I have come to judge the world.”

Jn.12:47   “I have not come to judge the world.”

B: What time of the day was Jesus crucified?

Mk.15:25 Jesus was crucified at the third hour.

Jn.19:14   Jesus was crucified after the sixth hour, since he was still before Pilate at “about the sixth hour.”

C: Who was at the tomb when Mary Magdalene (and others) arrived?

Mt.28:2     One angel was at the tomb.

Mk.16:5    One young man was at the tomb.

Lk.24:4     Two men were at the tomb.

Jn.20:11-12      Two angels were at the tomb.

Note: Some have insisted that ‘man’ and ‘angel’ can be two ways of describing the same thing since angels in the Bible typically take human form. But the Greek had a word for ‘angel’, another for ‘young man’, and another for ‘man’. Again, there remains the discrepancy of numbers.

II     Absurdities in the Bible:

The word ‘absurd’ is understood as something 

‘unreasonable. unsound, incongruous, extremely silly, or ridiculous; having no rational or orderly relationship to human life. (Webster)

Whether Christians admit it or not, the Bible condones polygamy, slavery, genocide, misogyny, and racism. They cannot argue that such teachings were inspired by a loving, merciful, and immutable god. One excuse is that the Bible was written in a very different period by people with a totally different view of social justice.

Some examples:

1.   Yahweh drowned every child on the planet in the flood. Gen.7:22-23

2.   Human sacrifice was acceptable if done for Yahweh. Gen.22; Lev.27:28-29; Jud.11:31-39.

3.   Polygamy was acceptable (for men only). Ex.21:10; Dt.21:15

4.   Adultery was a capital crime. Lev.20:10 (There are many nuns, priests, Bishops and Cardinals who are relieved that this mandate is no longer obeyed!)

5.   Israel was to burn certain prostitutes alive. Lev.21:9 (only applied to priests’ daughters)

6.   It was alright to steal foreign women and have sex with them. Dt.21:10-21

7.   Yahweh wants women to be silent in the Church and call their husbands “Lord.” 1Cor.14:34-35; 1Pt.3:6

Theological absurdities – Some examples

1.   Yahweh regretted making man and was “sorry in his heart.” Gen.6:6

2.   Yahweh lost his temper and killed 14,700 people in the process. Num.16:41-50

3.   Yahweh created evil. Is.45:7

4.   Jesus cursed a fig tree. Mk.11:12-14,20-21 (The curse was for not bearing fruit out of season! If it was out of season, why would he get angry?)

Factual absurdities and exaggerations – some examples:

1.   The creation accounts. Jen.1,2 (There is ample evidence to prove that the Genesis account of the manner of life’s origins and the development of animal species is totally wrong.)

2.   Adam lived 930 years, Methuselah 969 years, etc. Gen.5:27

3.   Samson killed 1000 men in a single day with the jawbone of a donkey. Jud.15:15. (Did they just line up and wait for Samson to come along and hit one by one on the head with the jawbone?)

4.   Joseph Basebeth killed 800 men in a single day with a spear. 2Sam.23:8. (Like Samson above, how in the world is this possible?)

5.   Solomon sacrificed 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep in one week. Chr.7:5. (With a total of 142,000 animals, they would have to do 850 sacrifices per hour 24/7. Would there be any animals left in the whole of Israel after this?)

6.   Matthew makes extraordinary additions to the resurrection narrative. Mt.27:51; 28:15. (Earthquakes, the resurrection of saints, bribing of Roman soldiers.) No other Gospel writers mention any mass resurrection in which “many saints came out of their tombs, went into the holy city and appeared to many.”

III      Changes made by copyists to the New Testament – some examples:

1.   Matthew 1:16 was tampered with to emphasize the virginity of Mary, Jesus’ mother. A copyist added ‘the virgin Mary’ to emphasize the pure and divine conception of Jesus.

2.   Some scribes added that Jesus “resurrected” to Romans 14:9. The original read “Jesus died and lived again.”

Conclusion

The presence of so many discrepancies can be 

excused if one were to regard the Bible as a human book imperfectly written, copied and edited over many centuries. But, for most believers, it is a holy book, directly inspired by God. They accept it as such and do not bother to study it in detail to discover the numerous discrepancies and contradictions. The average Christian is “intellectually lazy and embarrassingly ignorant.” Most go to Church, listen to random fragments of the Bible followed by subjective interpretations by the priest and forget everything the moment they step out of the Church. All they are looking for is to ways to avoid hell and go straight to heaven!

The typical attitude of the brainwashed believer was expressed by one when she told me: ‘Do not use reason or intellect when dealing with the word of God, just believe it!!’